Baba black … Vanga?

Recently it has been brought to my attention that someone who is not a sheep has been going around bleating bullsheep at people.

This is my interpretation of her prophecies.
You can find the original here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baba_Vanga#Vanga.27s_Future_Prophecies

Or maybe not, because it’s so full of sheep that it got GG’d. I’ll just put the original prophecy after my “translation”.

2008: Ryan Higa will save four future ASSES from behing assassinated by SINS.

2008: Baba Vanga speaks of conflicts in “Indonesia” leading to the upcoming WWIII, but some people say that Indonesia had been mistranslated and it’s meant to read “India”. This will also involve the attempted assassinations of 4 heads of state.

2010: World War 3 should have begun yesterday, at the latest. Starting as a regular war, it will progress to nothing in no time with no casualties and no ass kicking. Worst war ever.

2010: World War 3 begins in November 2010. Starting as a regular war, it will progress to a nuclear and chemical war. Vanga says the war will be finished by October 2014.

2011: As a result of the non-war, normal showers will rain down mostly in Vancouver, a.k.a. Raincouver. The world will still be under threat of fake sparkling vampires.

2011: As a result of the war, radioactive showers will destroy almost all life in the Northern Hemisphere. The remaining Europeans will face an even further threat from the Muslims who will use chemical weapons to finish them off.

2014: As another result of nothing, scientists will discover that vampires sparkle because of skin diseases.

2014: As another result of the chemicals and nuclear weapons during the war, most of the world population will have skin cancer and other skin diseases.

2016: Extraterrestrials will make contact with Earth in the remake of Mars Attacks!

2016: Extraterrestrials will make contact with Earth.

2018: China will become the new superpower. Win.

2018: China will become the new superpower. The exploiters will become the exploited.

2023: The Earth’s orbit will change because your moma’s so fat she has her own gravitational field.

2023: The Earth’s orbit will change.

2025: Europe is still very underpopulated, then Ron Weasley the King comes along and saves the day.

2025: Europe is still very underpopulated.

2028: A new energy source will be found. Hunger is overcome. A manned space flight will leave for Venus, where they discover women with razors.

2028: A new energy source will be found. Hunger is overcome. A manned space flight will leave for Venus.

2033: The world water levels will rise as the polar ice caps melt, which it’s supposed to have been doing for 20 years.

2033: The world water levels will rise as the polar ice caps melt.

2043: Economy is good. The Muslims will run the marathon.

2043: Economy is good. The Muslims will run Europe.

2046: All bodily organs can be reproduced except reproductive organs becoming the easiest and most popular method of irony.

2046: All bodily organs can be reproduced, becoming the easiest and most popular method of treatment.

2066: The Winter Olympics, in Rome.

2066: The U.S. uses a new climate-changing weapon on Muslim controlled Rome.

2076: Chairman Mao is reborn in the body of a mayfly.

2076: Communism takes over.

2084: UFO lands on the retractable roof of BC place in Vancouver, BC, Canada.

2084: Nature is reborn.(??)

2088: A new disease makes you grow old in seconds: it’s called 4D photoshop.

2088: A new disease makes you grow old in seconds.

2097: The 4D photoshop becomes obsolete with 5D photoshop.

2097: The Fast-Aging Disease is cured.

2100: Man-made King Kong terrorizes Japan, who makes a Godzilla to retaliate.

2100: Man-made sun is lighting up the dark side of the planet.

2111: People become robots. Probably like androids. (I didn’t change this one, because it’s already retarded enough)

2123: Wars between small units on Starcraft. Koreans get their game on.

2123: Wars between small countries. The big countries stay out of it.

2125: Signals from Space will be received by hungry astronauts. “Party on Uranus: all you can eat buffet”.

2125: Signals from Space will be received in Hungary. (People will be reminded of Baba Vanga – probably due to her alien subjects)

2130: Civilizations of fish will continue to live underwater.

2130: With the help of the aliens, civilizations will live underwater.

2164: Animals turn half-human, and then into robots. Probably like androids.

2164: Animals turn half-human.

2167: A new religion called Unicornism. Lord Zeusus will be worshipped.

2167: A new religion.

2170: Major Drought is born: someone important.

2170: Major drought.

2183: Somebody lets one rip. World record.

2183: A colony on Mars will become a nuclear power and ask for independance from Earth. (Like the U.S. asked from England.)

2187: 2 large volcanic eruptions will be successfully stopped because Android Frodo fails to throw the Ring in Mt. Doom twice.

2187: 2 large volcanic eruptions will be successfully stopped.

2195: The sea colonies will have energy and food, because they never had that before. Who knows how they lived for so long.

2195: The sea colonies will have energy and food.

2196: Asians and Europeans will be completely mixed, but everyone else is like “no thanx”.

2196: Asians and Europeans will be completely mixed.

2201: Temperatures are just right to shelter the people from the storm. People play house because they’re bored. Uh oh!

2201: Temperatures drop as the sun’s thermonuclear processes slow down.

2221: In the search for Pokemon, humans will come in contact with Digimon.

2221: In the search for extra-terrestrial life, humans will come in contact with something terrible.

2256: A spaceship will bring a bunch of prawns to Earth, and people will be alienist.

2256: A spaceship will bring a new disease to Earth.

2262: Planets will slowly change orbits and go along on with their lives, because things change and planets drift apart after highschool anyways.

2262: Planets will slowly change orbits. Mars will be threatened by a comet.

2271: Physics laws will be changed, and physics university courses don’t drive students to insanity.

2271: Physics laws will be changed.

2273: White, black and yellow races will form 1 new race: Brown.

2273: White, black and yellow races will form 1 new race.

2279: Power will be obtained from nothing. Possibly a vacuum or a black hole. (This deserves to stay too.)

2288: U2 has their last concert.

2288: Possible time travel and alien contact.

2291: The sun grows cooler, and gets all the chicks.

2291: The sun grows cooler. Attempts will be made to make it hot again.

2296: Strong explosions in the sun. All the chicks cry over the loss of the hot one.

2296: Strong explosions in the sun. The forces of gravity will change. Old space stations and satellites will fall.

2299: In France, people speak French.

2299: In France, a resistance movement will rise against Islam.

2302: Important laws and secrets of the universe are revealed in Gibberish. Unfortunately nobody speaks it well.

2302: Important laws and secrets of the universe are revealed.

2304: Secrets of the Moon are also revealed: it IS made of cheese.

2304: Secrets of the Moon are also revealed.

2341: Something terrible happens.

2341: Something terrible will approach Earth from Space.

2354: An accident happens … in some kid’s pants.

2354: An accident on the artificial sun will result in drought.

2371: Further bad stuff happens. (This is getting awfully Trelawney-like).

2371: World hunger.

2378: A new and fast-growing race called Renesmee’s, or something like that.

2378: A new and fast-growing race.

2480: Turns out Renesmee’s are scary and they threaten to overtake the world and there is a war between the Unicorns and the mutant fast-growing race.

2480: 2 artificial (man-made) suns will collide and leave the Earth in the dark.

3005: A war happens.

3005: A war on Mars will change the trajectory of the planet.

3010: A comet will hit the moon. The Earth will be surrounded by a ring of cheese.

3010: A comet will hit the moon. The Earth will be surrounded by a ring of rock and ash.

3797: By this time, everything on Earth will die. Take care!

3797: By this time, everything on Earth will die. However, human civilization will be advanced enough to move to a new star system.

The following predections are collected from random people who may or may not be lying. These should not be perceived as fact, as they have not been posted with seriousness. The origins of these predictions are paranormal and are worded according to the ghost with whom the writer’s have talked with through an Ouija board.

The following predections are collected from blogs and forums. These should not be perceived as fact, as they have not been posted with references. The origins of these predictions are unknown and are worded according to the users from whom they were written.

3803: A new planet is populated by little, like six people. Climate new planet affects the organisms of people – they mutate. (Wtf does it mean, the organisms of people. Like, people have organism pets? Hi, I would like to adopt an organism today.)

3803: A new planet is populated by little. Fewer contacts between people. Climate new planet affects the organisms of people – they mutate.

3805: The war between the six people for the hottest chick. More than half of people dying out. There are only 2 people left, the hottest chick and the guy who won the war.

3805: The war between humans for resources. More than half of people dying out.

3815: The war is over. Now it’s time for serious business

3815: The war is over.

3854: The development of civilization virtually stops because the guy got denied. People live flocks with beasts.

3854: The development of civilization virtually stops. People live flocks as beasts.

3871: Guy goes crazy and starts raving.

3871: New prophet tells people about moral values, religion.

3874: He starts his own church, and he’s the only one who attends.

3874: New prophet receives support from all segments of the population. Organized a new church.

3878: Something about … epic fail.

3878: along with the Church to re-train new people forgotten sciences.

4302: Hottest chick decides to give the guy a second chance. He decides to worship hottest chick in his church.

4302: New cities are growing in the world. New Church encourages the development of new technology and science.

4302: Hottest chick and Guy’s pet organism gets sick.

4302: The development of science. Scientists discovered in the overall impact of all diseases in organism behavior.

4304: They cure pet organism.

4304: Found a way to win any disease.

4308: Hottest chick has quintuplets. She is no longer hottest chick. She becomes Hag.

4308: Due to mutation people at last beginning to use their brains more than 34%. Completely lost the notion of evil and hatred.

4509: Guy stops worshipping Hag.

4509: Getting to Know God. The man has finally been reached such a level of development that can communicate with God.

4599: People achieve immortality. (I didn’t change this … because it’s so full of sheep)

4674: The development of civilization has reached its peak. The number of people living on different planets is about 25.

4674: The development of civilization has reached its peak. The number of people living on different planets is about 340 billion. Assimilation begins with aliens.

5076: A boundary universe. With it, no one knows. (I didn’t change this either. What does this even mean?)

5078: The decision to leave the boundaries of the universe. While about 40 percent of the population is against it, which is like 10 people.

5078: The decision to leave the boundaries of the universe. While about 40 percent of the population is against it.

5079: End of the World. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN

5079: End of the World.

To be continued.

IN CONCLUSION: Baba is full of sheep. I mean shit. That’s what I’ve been meaning to say all along.

Good day.

WG